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Should a Child Be Forced to Take Music Lessons?
My 9 yr. old daughter has been taking violin lessons since she was 4. She is quite good at it now, but hates it. My wife thinks that it is very important and won’t let her quit. I feel conflicted between my daughter and my wife. I think we should support our daughter in what our daughter wants to do, rather than forcing her to do what her parents pick for her.
But, I think my attitude has made things worse, since then our daughter picks up on the fact that her parents are divided on the issue and this makes it even harder for the two of them to get along. I know the parents should try to be united, but my wife is quite insistent on this and there is no convincing her to back down.
Besides your opinion on the mandatory music lessons question, I would like to know what you would do given my situation. Should I support my wife to try to make a united parental front for our daughter, or should I try to get my wife to change her position. thanks.
Tags: Violin Music, Child, forced, Should, LESSONS
your daughter shouldn’t have to do music lessons if she doesn’t enjoy it.Maybe there is another activity your daughter would like to try instead?
NO!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t make her do something she isn’t going to like!
Just tell your wife your opinion on this.
It’s not fair to your daughter. If she hates it your wife shouldn’t make her do it. Why does your wife feel that it’s so important? Is it about image? Personally, I think you should talk to your wife about it. If you keep forcing your daughter to do this, she may try to rebel. I don’t know the significance of my answer because I’m not a parent, but if I was 9 and in that situation it’d make me angry that me not wanting to do it had no effect. Let a 9 year old be a 9 year old.
No,I don’t think that a child should be forced to do anything like that as far as extra curricular activities. They need to enjoy hobbies and interest’s that are of their own choice . I mean yes parent’s do make the rule’s ,but a child deserves freedom when it comes to a sport or playing an instrument .
Maybe your wife always wanted to play the violin as a child but her parent’s never had the money or wasn’t allowed so now she is more less forcing your daughter to play ,so she (wife) can live through your daughter .
You want it to be something the child will enjoy not something that they don’t and that you are wasting both your time and their time as well as money .
Its like these parent’s that enter their little girl’s in beauty pageant’s,a lot of times its not for the child its for the parent.
We have to expose our children to the different thinks of life in the hope that we can help them to be well rounded individuals.
I would think that we should encourage them to do things but not force them.
We should not live our life through them.
It is important to have discipline & music teaches this well.
I look at your issue as one of trade offs. Try to find some thing your daughter likes to do. Like after practice stopping for a treat. You don’t tell her that you are rewarding her though. If she is having a recital maybe your wife can take her to the mall for some thing special to wear.
The important thing to watch for would be, is she improving her skills & is she one of the better players in her group.
Progress is important. If she isn’t keeping up with others it would be best to let her do something she would like to do better
If she isn’t then she will be just going through the motions & will dislike it more & more.
It may not be important but many stars had stage mothers,
who must have pushed them at some time.
I would guess that you have to step back & not make this a big issue between you & your wife.
Find some little things that your daughter likes & that you & your wife feel are OK and work them in to your routine.
But don’t call them a reward.
If this is essential to your daughter’s future, then you should try your best to get her to understand and accept it.
However, seeing this as only a hobby, you’ll need to step in and declare that the decision is your daughter and hers only.
If your wife resisted, you need to make her understand your daughter’s position — tell her what if I force you to do (((insert something she really hates here))) for 5 years :
1. would you be happy ?
2. would you hate me ?
If she still stubborn about it, then you need to be strong. Declare that your daughter is free to choose, and ignore her mother’s protest.
Be strong for your daughter.
Hope this helps, thanks.
Whats so important about being a professional. If I do my math, she is a 5 yr student. As you have stated, ( she is quite good ) what more does your wife want out of the violin ? That is the real question here. I would think a trade off after 5 years is in order. Maybe she would like to play some other instrument, or take dancing lessons just for examples. There is so much offered, to help expand a child’s horizon these days. I definitely would not let her just quite and do nothing. She needs a change.
( Connie Mom of 4 and 5th. grade teacher )
Maybe you and your wife should ask your daughter what else would she like to do right now other than the violin…maybe your baby has gotten burned out after five years…and now she has lost interest in the violin…and to make her do something she has lost interest in on a continuous basis makes it even worse and is so un-fair to your daughter……even though your daughter is only nine she knows what she likes to do…and to force her will make her dislike it even more…where as she may truly like playing the violin but has gotten tired of the same routine and has gotten burned out, come on now even we as adults get burned out…
No one should be forced to do something they have lost interest in…other than school…your wife is being a bit unreasonable to both you and your daughter…maybe this was a dream of your wife’s…
Ask your wife will she allow your daughter a chance to rest up and allow her the opportunity to try something else and if she want to start back practicing allow it, but also allow her the opportunity to identify with whom she is and experience some of the things she like…after all what your daughter want is just as important…she may never pick up the violin when she is grown, she may love rockets, animals, medicine, she may want to be a teacher or she may play the violin for a symphony orchestra.
As she grows, she will get more independent and she will want to identify more with whom she is and this is good for her to be her own person and not be forced to live out someone else’s dream…
Try not to discuss it in front of your daughter…let your wife know, it’s what’s important to your daughter to ensure she is happy…
I agree with NasCarl, you should try and talk to your wife about it, ask her why she wants her to play so much. Try to come up with a solution with her, it really isn’t fair for your child to have to do something they really don’t want to do like that. If it is the case, that your wife wanted to do it when she was little, she could try now, she can still learn to…idk, but I hope you can work it out soon. :]
NO, forcing her will only make her hate it more.
ur daughter doesn’t half to if she doesn’t want to.
No, she should not be forced to take the lessons. You do need to sit down with your wife and talk this out with her, because as you said, your girl knows that you two are in disagreement about this. I do think it is good for kids to have “outside” interests, such as music or sports, but your daughter is at age where she should have some say in which she would like to learn. Maybe you could get your daughter to list everything she would like to try, and present this list to your wife. As it stands now, continuing to make her take lessons that she is starting to hate will make her hate it more, and maybe turn her off to music as well.